some things just stick in your mind
on the space colony i live in, which exists in the dreams of the untouched and lonely – every 50 years the impossibly powerful solid state drives that hold every piece of good art and every book from most of recorded history are backed up and recycled and replaced with new versions of themselves. for 3 days we are left without digital media to stream to our smart tvs and we use instruments to play music and enjoy each others bodies. then the new drives come back and we rejoice by putting porno on our respective village projection screens and dance to colbie caillat, robbie williams, elvis costello, you name it
i live in the fantasy of every man who has thought he was the man. the ones who know nothing else but build and create and play create share. i live in the idealized retirement community but this is my entire life.
my goal in life is to achieve the perfect orgasm, which can be measured and defined now with the help of fitness bands. maybe you expect me to say that once i achieve the perfect orgasm i will be psychologically prepared in some fucked up way to go to war and die for the cause of a sinister elite class. you are a fool to expect that, because once i find out what the perfect orgasm feels like its going to be something i enjoy casually like one casually enjoys ketamine or psychedelics. i want this for myself because i want to know what makes me an individual. i want to know what i like and what gets me going. i don't want to know why, because that's the sinister truth behind the curtain. i just want to feel what its like to have a feeling made just for me. this is how we envy the man who made our world.
i constantly put myself in my own shoes. i live 4 love, i appreciate beauty, i know god, and i don't hate myself. in the back of my mind i want to discover fire and burn myself alive. im obsessed with sex and small delicate things. i am so infatuated i know i need to kill myself. our shame drives me and my community to enjoy life to the max. we talk about this with each other. its something we're familiar with, a faux pas someone like kevin hart would point out. the sun sets only to rise and its all beautiful.
complete. and free. a small satellite bounces off of the shell top of our colony and affects the water pressure inside. algae and moss is popped loose from the surface. a crack forms and a dolphin is sucked out of the protective generative layer. millions of shrimp fall out. more dolphins fall out. they pile onto my house while i am at a hookah bar. i get a text from my neighbor. i bring myself to cum and then i go home.
police and officials are at my house to tell me what happened. the animals have already been taken care of. all my things are wet. i am being given 3 nights at the VIP retreat on earth. this apparently happened several times before in the past few decades. they need to train new people every so often and important things go ignored during that awkward stage of a new hire's development. i start thinking about what i want to do while im on earth. im wondering if i can fuck a lot there. is the air quality in the retreat very different. they tell me no but the nature is beautiful. i'm not a nature person, i live to fuck. i am asked for my clothing size and given comfortable moisture wicking shirts, pants, and underwear and some nice breathable sneakers. i am given an e-reader and placed into a pod headed for earth.
when i fell asleep i dreamed i was dead and nothing came to eat my body. i was so unimportant that not even worms or flies bothered to eat my flesh. my body was mummified and preserved by its insignificance. when i woke up i begain to wail as a baby might. i started to shiver and made myself keurig hot cocoa in my pod and drank it upon entering earth. i could feel the warmth of the cocoa still in my chest when i was allowed to get out of my pod at the landing dock and i got a very nice stretch in before the kind people showed me to my suite. i talked to one of them about hot cocoa cause it was on my mind. we both agreed that it was good. i had a nice 3 days at the retreat and went back home and everything was fine
if i could think of one thing thats missing from my life it would be a lack of security or maybe comfort. i don't think i or anyone i know is moving along with the wheel of time. there seems to be nothing coming for us. i know somewhere, not where i'm from but on earth, there is unimaginable suffering - total and absolute pain, feelings worse than death, violent violent exploitation. i don't feel any of it, i won't ever have to deal with it, that problem has been solved by the person who made where i live. it feels wrong. i mean im a good and chill person, everyone is. i think i should be afraid of something but i have nothing to be afraid of. something is wrong. i think i need to be chased or hunted down. i'm so worried about it happening but i know it won't happen. i'm just enjoying my life one day at a time, one year at a time, and then i'm going to die eventually, and that will be my awesome life.
